Improving Self-confidence
Self-confidence is your most important asset. It is both a clear
understanding of what you can do and a clear vision of what
you can become. It is therefore the basis for belief : in yourself,
in what you do and in the ideas and dreams that you have. To
lack self-confidence is to frustrate this process.
What Is Self-confidence?
People often say "I need more self-confidence!" without noting for what reason. It is important to realise that
there is often a clear reason for the lack of self-confidence
and it is usually experienced (a feeling of doubt, uncertainty
or even dread!) in relation to a particular area.
To explain it in another way, no person is completely lacking
in self-confidence. We all have our areas of expertise (even
though we may deny that!). For example, a businessman who has
spent many years understanding his customer's needs and market
place may become very wealthy and very successful, and as a
result of his work, have great self-confidence in his ability
to conduct his business. However, if he were asked to stand
on stage and talk to 1000 people about the secret of his success,
he may not now feel very confident!
Perhaps
he now lacks confidence because he does not know what to say
or how to prepare a speech. Maybe he hasn't had any experience
in speaking in front of people or such a large crowd. Whatever
the reason and despite his uncertainty, if he wants to speak
in front a large audience and also believes he can do it, then
he will!
From this example and your own experience it is easy to see
that the feelings associated with a lack of self-confidence
only arise when you anticipate your current ability to perform
a particular task. Every day our self-confidence is being tested
and requires continuous rebuilding. This is because in pursuing
our goals and in experiencing life we are always being challenged
to learn new things.
When you are learning something new you are expanding your "Comfort
Zone" (which is your current level of expertise and self-confidence).
There is always uncertainty - "Do I understand what has been
explained to me?" When you are then asked to apply what you
have just learnt there is always a learning curve as you convert
what has been learnt into actual experience. We can sometimes
feel at "risk" of making a "mistake", or looking like a "fool".
We can also be afraid of not being able to meet other peoples'
high expectations, or worse still our own! The weight of these
fears can be overwhelming to the point that a person will simply
not attempt to do something new, which is a pity as the situation
can quite easily be mastered when you know how.
Improving self-confidence is therefore something which can be
achieved through applying and experiencing the following process:
- Having the desire to achieve a goal.
- Identifying what you need to learn.
- Applying what you have learnt.
- Receiving feedback (then if necessary going back to step
2).
Although it is important to identify and appreciate the process
by which we gain self-confidence, it
does not always help us with the real issue which is our reluctance
to apply it!
How Do We Improve Self-confidence?
A good way to explain this is to consider the scientific work
of Dr Maxwell Malz. He was a plastic surgeon who noticed that
his repairs did not necessarily have any effect on some people.
In the case where people suffered lack of self-confidence because
of physical disfigurement, he found that his operations to change
the disfigurement gave the patients no improved hope, because
they still lacked confidence, since they were still damaged
on the inside. Malz found that he had to accompany his surgical
work with a process of mental work, creating "imagined memories"
and building in his patients the thoughts of a possible new
life. In his book Psycho-Cybernetics, Malz also describes
cases where the patient has formed a negative image of something
which is actually healthy, for example a nose. One patient came
to him complaining that her nose was grossly oversized, so much
so that she felt she was disfigured. It so happened that she
also suffered a personality disorder.
Malz managed to prove to this patient that her nose was normal
and gave her a program of mental exercises to do so that she
would come to believe this. She did the exercises for 21 days
and slowly her mind changed until she perceived her nose as
normal. As her bad image of her nose disappeared so too did
her personality disorder.
Although you may not be as severely challenged as Maltz' patients
you can still apply the same process and achieve the same results
when your self-confidence is challenged, by learning how to
develop and apply your own mental exercises.
It is interesting to read of people who have applied a similar
technique, as it is often associated with a tremendous personal
accomplishment, sometimes against all odds:
"I
brainwashed myself into thinking I could and would win. I visualised
exactly what was going to happen tonight. It's hard to explain
but when you are focused you almost have no thought. Sitting
behind the blocks I was 100% focused and I didn't have a single
thing in my mind. I got in there, I knew what I had to do and
it was just a matter of letting my instincts take over"
Kieren Perkins, interviewed after his "miracle" 1500m Gold
Medal race Atlanta Olympics 1996, as reported in "The Sun Herald"
July 28 1996.
Finally the most important thing I would like to add to all
this is that you do not have to believe
that you can achieve the goal - simply doing the mental exercises
is enough!
In the Life Skills Seminar we show you how to develop self-confidence by teaching and practising
the following skills:
- The ability to relax and release stress.
- The ability to develop focused concentration.
- A complete scientific explanation of how the mind works.
- An effective method of goal setting.
- How to develop mind/body exercises for developing self-confidence.
- practise at applying mind/body exercises.
- Proof that you can achieve the required skills through
bio-feedback equipment.
You May Ask "How Effective Are These Techniques?"
How about I let some of my seminar participants explain
that to you?
Sandy,
I want to let you know how very much your course has changed
my life. As Norbert Wiener has said, the techniques you teach
are nothing less than "the secret of life". For some years I
have been a nervous and fearful person, both of which were a
manifestation of going through a marriage break up and bankruptcy
proceedings. Confidence in myself had plummeted. Through the
techniques you have taught me, my life has dramatically changed
around.
For example, my first book is on track to being published; my
business is on track to being largely successful; and more importantly,
all my relationships family and friends continue to strengthen.
By using the techniques I've been able to cope with my stresses
and work towards balancing the diverse demands of relationships,
family and finance. It is electrifying to be associated with
someone who understands the awesome power of imagination.
Spiritually it is gratifying to know someone like you, who understands
the power of forgiveness and the power of love. It can be truly
said you are a walking example of one of Ralph Waldo Emerson's
creeds - "Every soul is not only the inlet, but may become the
outlet of all there is in God."
Kieran John Forde, NSW
Dear Sandy
I have been in a devastating situation, or to put it mildly
I have been in the depths of despair. However I am now turning
things around and getting back to my former self and feeling
confident to get on with life again. Thank you Sandy - you have
taken me from feeling worthless to becoming 110% human again!
Today I have started to set goals again but this time I'm doing
it your way and it's working! I have read so many books and
attended many seminars dealing with goals and self help but
none of them speak about the HOW and WHY as your books and tapes
do; taking you through the necessary procedures to achieve goals
and more importantly get rid of stress on the way.
Wally Scanlin, VIC
Sandy,
I received your pack of "Piece of Mind" book and two
tapes in October 1995. If you had told me I could instantly
gain noticeable improvement in one day I would not have believed
you. I must also be a left-brained sceptic. I have been wallowing
in despair for six years. I've read many self-help books and
I could not rid myself of that constant feeling of dread, nor
could I sleep at night. It took Sandy MacGregor to show me how
to help myself. Since using the techniques I have now slept
7 to 8 hours every night. I've had interruptions to my sleep,
e.g.. late night 'phone calls, storms with thunder and lightning
and still have been able to return to sleep easily.
Furthermore, I have just returned from Canada and USA. In years
gone by I have needed to take a Rohypnol sleeping tablet on
these journeys. This time I slept for 7 hours during the flight
over, and on the way back, with no drugs.
Kevin Gray, VIC
Dear
Sandy,
So much has happened during 12 months of my life when I felt
everything had ground to a halt and there was no hope of anything
changing. I was trying to recover from a major depression, I
weighed 12 stone, my marriage was in a bad state and I felt
I had no future.
I decided to try the methods you taught even though I was a
little sceptical. The goal I set at the seminar was about releasing
weight. Now 12 months later, I'm 3 stone lighter. As the weight
began to go, I started using Alpha to get through difficult
day to day situations and to relax in general. As I became more
relaxed, I was able to think more clearly about what I wanted
and started to set and achieve goals.
I don't want it to sound like the CALM Seminar instantly solved
all my problems. I still battle depression on a daily basis
and my marriage, though much more secure and happy, still has
problems. The greatest difference is that now these 'problems'
don't totally overwhelm me. I feel I have the tools I need to
tap into my own power and deal with things as they happen. I
can see that things can change and that I now have the power
to change the way I act and feel when confronted by problems.
Instead of problems running my life, I feel in control again
and therefore have a future.
Thank you Sandy
Erika Gelzinnis, NSW
So What is the Next Action Step that You Can Take?
CALM makes suggestions on how you can develop your skills in dealing with Improving Self-confidence using Sandy MacGregor's low cost Tapes, Books, CDs, Videos and Seminars which have been utilised by thousands of people successfully since 1990. [click here]