Special Calm E-Report
Unconditional Love
Hello,
Loving and forgiving can both be real
challenges in life. Whether one works
with forgiveness before working with
unconditional love or vice versa matters
little - it really is personal choice
and there are no hard and fast rules as
to the order or sequence. Loving the
person or the situation that has wronged
you, can be a terribly difficult thing
to do. Many people may want to make a
bargain that goes something like this,
“OK! I'm prepared to forgive. Now I've
done the right thing ...... But love?
....... Why do I actually have to love?
.... That's going a bit far isn't it!?”
I find that love is a very hard thing
to write about, for, as I write these
words I am conscious of my shortcomings
in the area. In fact there are moments
where I am tempted to say, “Do as I say,
not as I do.” But this would not be
right. I’ve always believed the idea
that you should never ask a person to do
a thing which you are not prepared to do
yourself. In asking you to follow me I
am asking you to travel with me to what
I consider to be the limit of my
leadership capabilities. Love is more
than the absence of hate. It's not just
neutral emotion. It's not just a state
of “not hating” or “not being angry”. In
fact I think the opposite of love is not
hate, it's probably indifference. Love
is the positive requirement to actively
desire the well-being of all other life.
Love, like forgiveness - which I have
discussed before in my books and
E-Reports, is an imperative in most
religions. In Christianity for example,
Christ told his followers that the main
“laws” are to love God and to love your
neighbour as yourself. Pretty hard stuff
to live up to!
For me the challenge about love
covered three questions
* Could I love myself?
* Could I love others?
* Could I love the man who killed my
daughters?
Love of Self
Often we tend to demand from others
what we are most unwilling to give and
isn’t it strange to think that we could
expect, perhaps demand, that someone
give us what we are not willing to give
- unconditional love. If we expect that
from someone to make us feel safe and
loved, wanted and desired, we have to
understand what it is. We have to feel
it for ourselves before we can accept or
expect anyone else to give it to us.
Unconditional love: loving without
limitations, conditions, or
reservations. If we provide that for
ourselves, then it becomes a point of
reference to measure the love that is to
fulfil our lives. How would we know what
we are searching for or what we expect
someone to give to us? How do we express
to someone what we need?
So let’s explore firstly ‘to love
yourself’. It is really important for
self esteem. I believe that loving
yourself is purely taking responsibility
for yourself - being a responsible
participant in all aspects of your life;
you choose to eat and drink only healthy
foods, to accept mistakes that you make
and grow from them, to use positive self
talk, to take responsibility for your
own health and healing, to stand up for
yourself and express your own opinion,
to respond to situations instead of
reacting, to take care of yourself so
that you can take care of others. (For a
much bigger list see my book Students
Steps to Success page 33.)
The above can be difficult and in
fact you may be further challenged by
identifying painful experiences and
experiences that create anger or
bitterness in you. Why did it happen?
What was the lesson to be learned in it?
We are all on a journey and it is how
you look at the lessons that will make
the journey easy or hard. Be grateful
for the people that were put in your
path to help you with that lesson,
rather than resenting them for hurting
you. It is absolutely impossible to
unconditionally love yourself if you
harbour bitterness, anger, guilt or any
other feelings that are not love.
If you have not read my previous
EReport about Acceptance and Letting Go
it may be a good idea to review it at
http://www.calm.com.au/ereport/EReport230404swon.htm.
Exploring your inner self means going
back right through your life and
identifying issues that hurt you
(including hurting others, which in
effect means hurting you) - then work
with Acceptance and Letting Go. After
this step you can proceed with
Unconditional Love - firstly for
yourself.
So in learning to love yourself -
totally accepting yourself, (warts and
all), you become more clear on what it
is you are looking for. More
importantly, by looking inwards you
realise that you provide that love for
yourself before expecting someone else
to provide it to you - now you’re
finding unconditional love.
Love of Others
It has been said, and I believe it,
that love is the strongest force in the
Universe.
Unconditional love does not mean “I
love everyone equally.” I prefer to say
“I love everyone appropriately and in
response to their individuality.” And,
very importantly, unconditional love
does not mean unconditional acceptance
or condoning of behaviours.
Let’s move on to loving others. Often
it is not a challenge to love
unconditionally a family member - your
partner, parent, child or sibling …
although sometimes it may be a
challenge. Perhaps the family member
you’re thinking of is in a distant city
or country - you can still love at a
distance. A good exercise is to look
back in the relationship you have with
this family member and identify any
outstanding challenges or difficulties -
no matter what has happened - if there
is any event in the relationship that
hurts you then you need to clear it
using Acceptance and Letting Go and
identify any of life’s lessons you have
learned from that experience. Then you
could be ready for unconditional love.
I found that the analogies I use help
me understand unconditional love. These
analogies are described in full detail
in my book Switch On to Your Inner
Strength. Briefly, we all have an
energy within us - whether we call it
CHI, Prana, Life Force, Soul, Spirit,
Spark of the Divine, or simply Energy.
We are all joined to one another through
this Energy in the same way that each
and every ray of sunshine is ultimately
joined back to each other ray of
sunshine, through the body of the Sun.
So when I extend my unconditional love
to anyone, I bring to mind that part of
the person who is joined to me (in the
way just described) and then I say (to
myself) "I unconditionally love you ....
and say the name ..."
Love Of Someone You Despise
How is this possible? The key point
here to remember is that personality is
form whereas soul is formless and that
loving does not condone the other
person’s action. Loving is a decision
- we choose to be loving towards ourselves
and others. We can take loving actions
without having a loving feeling, however
the feeling normally follows.
Once again it is helpful to use the
meditation Acceptance and Letting Go
as a starting point to move on in your
life. Remember in these negative
situations that negative thoughts
attract negative thoughts, they lead to
negative action followed by negative
reaction. In other words if your
negativity continues then you become
another victim; and who has done it to
you? Yes that’s right you’ve done it to
yourself and, because you love yourself
(take responsibility for yourself), you
decide not to move on positively.
I find the analogies I wrote about
above are also particularly useful for
dealing with someone whose personality
may be detestable. In your mind, you
bring to mind that part of the person
who is joined to you through the body of
Energy or the body of the Divine, and
you say “I unconditionally love you
………”, and you say their name. You let
those feelings register within your
body. When you do this in deep
meditation you become clear and the
negativity is not in the forefront of
your mind. It feels great to move on
knowing that you can unconditionally
love.
Meditation - Unconditional Love
Below are the words of a meditation
which I have prepared and will be
available as a CD in a couple of weeks.
In this meditation you will experience
loving unconditionally. You may have
needed to work with some challenges
using the meditation Acceptance and
Letting Go as a preliminary step. Doing
this meditation will definitely be
beneficial and has a cumulative action,
so keep doing it again and again until
you know you can love yourself and
others unconditionally.
The words of the meditation
Bring your focus now to your Heart
Centre and have loving thoughts … like I
Love and accept myself. Decide to love
yourself - after all, you’re the only
person you’ll be with all the time for
the rest of your life. Decide now to
take personal responsibility for
yourself - you choose to eat and drink
only healthy foods, to accept mistakes
that you make and grow from them, to use
positive self talk, to take
responsibility for your own health and
healing, to stand up for yourself and
express your own opinion, to respond to
situations instead of reacting, to take
care of yourself so that you can take
care of others. You say to yourself “I
love and accept myself unconditionally.
You decide and choose to be easy on
yourself. You know that now that you
love yourself, you can more easily love
others. Focus now on the caring and
loving of yourself and feel that
nurtured, warm feeling, whilst the music
plays. As your thoughts wander about
taking responsibility for yourself,
loving yourself, you accept all the good
thoughts and say “Yes” to them. You
reject any negative thoughts and say
“No” to them. Remember that whatever you
have done in your life, you can say to
yourself “I did the best that I could do
at the time - now that I know more, I’ll
do better next time.”
1 minute of music
You now bring your focus to a loved
one. Someone who is near and dear to you
- your spouse, or child, or mother or
father. You may see your loved one often
- they may live with you. You focus on
that part of them that is joined to you,
just the same way as sunbeams are joined
through the body of the sun. The energy
in you or the Divine in you is joined to
them through the body of energy or the
Divine.
You now bring that part of them that
is joined to you and you say “I
unconditionally love you ………… (and you
say their name).” You could also say to
yourself “I am also sending you my love
and light for the highest good of all
concerned”. You have now taken a loving
action. Let yourself feel the warm glow
of that loving action and you know that
you can unconditionally love another.
Bring your focus to a loved one who
maybe is far away. Your loved one may be
a good friend who could be in another
state or city or country. You focus on
that part of them that is joined to you,
just the same way as sunbeams are joined
through the body of the sun. The energy
in you or the Divine in you is joined to
them through the body of energy or the
Divine.
You now bring that part of them that
is joined to you and you say “I
unconditionally love you ………… (and you
say their name).” You could also say to
yourself “I am also sending you my love
and light for the highest good of all
concerned”. You have now taken a loving
action. Let yourself feel the warm glow
of that loving action and you know that
you can unconditionally love another.
You now go back a little in your life
and think of someone who may have harmed
you or harmed your loved ones. You
detest what this person has done. In
fact you may have an abhorrence of this
person and the act that has been
committed by them.
You recognise that this person’s
personality is form, however their soul
is formless. You understand that if you
continue with negative thoughts or
resentfulness towards this person, that
you will not effect yourself positively.
You resolve to move forward in your life
and be loving towards yourself by
effecting yourself positively. You can
accept the situation without condoning
whatever this person may have done to
you. You can move beyond the personality
to formlessness.
So now, in your mind, you bring to
mind that part of the person who is
joined to you through the body of Energy
or the body of the Divine, and you say
“I unconditionally love you ………”, and
you say their name. You let those
feelings register within your body.
Once again you think of someone who
may have harmed you or harmed your loved
ones. You detest what this person has
done. You recognise that this person’s
personality is form, however their soul
is formless. You resolve to move forward
in your life and be loving towards
yourself by effecting yourself
positively. You can accept the situation
without condoning whatever this person
may have done to you. You can move
beyond the personality to formlessness.
So now, in your mind, you bring to
mind that part of the person who is
joined to you through the body of Energy
or the body of the Divine, and you say
“I unconditionally love you ………”, and
you say their name. You let those
feelings register within your body. You
know that you love and accept yourself - you know that you can move on in your
life, being easy on yourself , caring
for yourself so that you can take care
of others, staying with that loving,
warm feeling. You resolve always to stay
in your loving.
And now you count from 1 to 5, and on
the count of 5 you will open your eyes,
feeling relaxed, well, healthy and
invigorated, knowing that you can
unconditionally love yourself and
others. No. 1 - you feel the blood
flowing to the end of your fingers and
toes. No. 2 - you move your fingers and
toes. No. 3 - you stretch a little bit.
No. 4 - you gently move your head, and
No. 5 - relaxed, well, healthy and
invigorated, unconditionally loving
yourself and others.
So, know that
loving is a decision - we choose to be
loving towards ourselves and
others. We can take loving actions and
love our self and others
unconditionally.
Be Easy On Yourself and All The Best
Sandy MacGregor
PS. I have written a book which
is my journey of Acceptance and
Letting Go, Unconditional Love, and
Forgiveness as applied to Grief and Loss
which could be useful to others - I'll
send an EReport about it and probably
offer it free of charge. Look out
for it!
What's On?
Australian Timetable Of Seminars for
2004 - continued
CALM LIFE SKILLS 2-day Seminar
Toowoomba 17/18 July 2004
Cairns 31 July /1 August 2004
Rockhampton
14/15 August
2004
Sydney 9/10 October 2004
Perth 23/24 October 2004
3 Hour
Seminars
Brookvale
(Sydney) Sat 21 August
Mosman
(Sydney) Sun 22 August
Albany (W
A)
Sat 16 October
Bunbury (W
A)
Sun 17 October
In Victoria
starting in September all the major
towns
Useful Links
The Changing Habits tape - Peaceful Place Tape
No 2, is now On-line. You can listen to it, over and over again for
just $8 (Australian)
[Click
Here].
All the Meditation tapes are now On-line - you
can listen to each one, over and over again for just $8 each (Australian)
[Click
Here].
Next Sydney CALM Life Skills Seminar
9/10 October and see the schedule of CALM Seminars
[Click
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Seminars [Click
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